I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
