I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
