Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
