Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
