I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
