Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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