Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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