Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
