I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
