Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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