WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
