Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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