It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
