Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
