can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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