reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
