I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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