Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found your dick twin last night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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