oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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