okay pat passed out under dana's car
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
