so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
