New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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