Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
