too bad you live with your parents still
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
