I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
