Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
