do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
