he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
