i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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