i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
