Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
