I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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