im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize