i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he shaved USA in his pubs
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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