I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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