dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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