She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
