I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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