Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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