We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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