i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
