sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
