We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
