Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
