Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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