I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
