The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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