if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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