Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
