I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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