I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
