I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
