The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
