And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
