I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
