there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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