Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize