You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
