There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
