Im at strip club and am horny
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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