when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
