Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
