I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
