If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize