Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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