Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
