Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
