$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
