she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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