Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
