Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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