either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
