i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
