yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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