dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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