apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
