I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont even know how to be here
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Come on in and take your pants off
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