when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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