yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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