never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
