It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize