Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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