Farmville is her only friend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
