dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
