Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize