Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
