FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
