I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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