you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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