thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
