I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
