My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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