we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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